[FIC]

Title: Always You
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Humor, Romance
A/N: Apparently, my foggy brain did it. (- _ -)





He stopped walking and looked around him, he is outside his apartment. He didn't notice he is home already. Tegoshi locked himself. He sent a mail to Shige and Koyama, stating he wants to be alone for now. He stayed inside his room and let the tears flow from his eyes.

Masuda is his everything.

He is his strength, his shelter, his life. He is always drawing strength from Masuda when he can't find any within him, just thinking about him comforts him and lead him to finish all his work confidently. He can't make it through his problems without Masuda.



Tegoshi is lost and he needs Masuda for him to be home.  He is his hope.



He cried in the corner of his room, covering his face with his hands, gritting his teeth, whispering Masuda's name over and over again, blaming himself.

It is the 14th day of February

It is the same as that day

Do you remember?

I know you remember

After all, it was the day we cannot forget

Exactly 5 years ago

We saw each other for the first time

Do you remember?

The way we looked at each other

That awkward and silent moment

You and me and the love

that grows within us day by day

You and me and the problems

that we solve and fight together

I love you with all my heart

We became friends, inseparable friends

We both didn't notice the love forming within our hearts

And in their eyes, they know

There is something "special" between us
We became lovers, inseparable lovers

The kisses and hugs and the overflowing emotion

I thought that's all

But I was wrong

He caught Masuda and Nakamaru kissing inside a bar. At first he forgived them, they were drunk. And Nakamaru is a friend, a very close friend of him so he washed that image away from his head. But Masuda always talks about Nakamaru and their trip , yes , they always go on a trip. It hurts him, that his lover is talking about his close friend , always. He did his best to be with Masuda when his work is finished but everytime he called him, he is not free. They are falling apart, he surely knows that. And he blamed himself, for being very busy and for asking his friend to take Masuda out for a trip.

When they are together, Masuda seems to be awkward and it hurts him more. He is right there next to him, even though he is right there next to him, he seems so far away, out of reach. But still, Tegoshi didn't give up. Kato and Koyama, his best friends, couldn't fathom what they are seeing and adviced Tegoshi that it is time to let Masuda go.

Tegoshi laugh  "Why would I? I am not letting Massu go, because I love him"

"But you have been holding on to him for seven months already Tegoshi"  Kato said  "I don't know if you are just an idiot or just playing blind, but he is-"

"Stop! Don't!"  Tegoshi covered his ears, and curled on the sofa  "I.. I don't want to hear those words. I.. No"  he shook his head.

"Tegoshi"  Koyama pulled him to an embrace  "We are going on a trip this coming Saturday, we want you to come with us, let's relax in the Philippines. But before that, you have to face Masuda, and be the one to end everything, okay? If you want, we'll help you gather all those things , those gifts that he gave you."  he patted Tegoshi's back. Tegoshi shook his head, and sob.  "It's enough already Tegoshi. Enough is enough."

You and me and the love that is wavering within you

You and me and the problems and fights that we had

I love you with all my heart

I won't give up on us, I will hold on to you, I will hold you tight

Because I believe your love will come back

But I guess, I can't hold on to you any longer

I am sorry for holding on to you this long and for being selfish all this time
You and me and the love that grows within us day by day

You and me and the problems that we solve and fight together

You and me and the love that we have shared for years

You are my love, my one and only love

I won't say goodbye, I couldn't say goodbye

"Can I bring this bear with me?" Tegoshi asked Koyama when he went back to his room. "Please? Just this one" Koyama looked at him, raising a brow, he knows that bear was the gift Masuda gave him when they reached their first year, he pressed his lips together and reluctantly nodded, carrying the last box that they will be sending back to Masuda before going to the airport. They'll be staying in the Philippines for a week. Apparently, Kato wants to visit those marvelous beaches and caves that he could only see from the internet, he wanted to be in paradise, he wanted to relax. That's what he said.

Outside, Kato is already with Yabu and Daiki. They were talking about how Yuri clunged to Yabu saying he doesn't want him to go without him and was scolded by Ryo telling him he is too young to go on a trip with grown ups, he'll just get tired easily and destroy the other's excitement.

-----

"How did you packed your things?!" Yabu asked Daiki, they're inside the van and already on their way to the Masuda's when Daiki inspected his bag and curses, laughing "How did you forget your underwears?!"

"I put them inside a pouch, and I totally forgot putting it inside the bag. I'm glad we're going to our house first." he said, sighing "Yuya-nii, why is Taka-nii not coming?"

Of course Daiki knows he and his brother is dating, but he doesn't know the real condition of their relationship. He doesn't want Daiki to know because of Yabu, he doesn't want them to fall apart too, they are still young, they might think they are selfish that they are happily together and their brothers are not.

"His schedule is full today" Kato answered him. Daiki points to the back, to the boxes , he was about to open his mouth and ask about those boxes "Those are-"

"My things" Tegoshi cut Kato "Massu said he need some of my things, we will be gone for a week, I figured out he might need the other things too, that's why I brought all of it." he said, blankly, glancing at Yabu and Daiki at the side.

"Here we are" Koyama said, pulling the van on the side. Daiki hurriedly opened the van. Tegoshi seems nervous, he was walking back and forth at the back of the van, debating whether to open it or not. Kato opened it for him, get a box and pushed it to Tegoshi. He pulled one and gave it to Yabu, other one to Koyama and one for him. They went inside the house.

"What took you so long?" Daiki said, shouting from the kitchen. "My brother is upstairs. Just go there directly, Yuya-nii."

They went upstairs. Daiki rushed to his room but Tegoshi called him back "D-Dai-chan! Could you please, knock and open the door for us?" he said, nervously

"Ah, right. All of your hands are occupied." he smiles that smile of him that reminds him of Masuda.

------

There was a knock, and Daiki's voice is calling him, he lazily slid out his bed and opened the door, Daiki's figure popped in. Daiki punched him on the stomach and smiles. "So slow! We have visitors" and he rushed to his room.

Masuda opened his door wide enough to see who is outside. He saw Tegoshi, he whined on his head saying 'not again?!' but there was something in Tegoshi's eyes that squeezed his heart.

Before Tegoshi could open his mouth, Yabu handed the box to Masuda.  "My brother said you need this"  He smiled  "Where should we put this?"  he said, looking around Masuda's room, it's the first time he saw his room.

With a question look, Masuda averted his gaze from Yabu to Tegoshi, Tegoshi looked away from him, he thought that is unusual. He looked back at Yabu who is still looking around his room, he smiled  "just put it on the table"  Yabu took the box from Masuda and went inside, the others following him behind, he was startled to see Koyama and Kato with boxes too. Just when the four boxes were all ready on the table, Daiki came rushing, pulling Yabu away from them saying he needs Ya-chan's suggestion on what things and clothes to bring, he wonders 'for what'.

It's the first time that Koyama didn't say anything to Masuda, he just look at him and throw glances at Kato and at Tegoshi from time to time. Koyama elbowed Kato and they walked towards the door, Tegoshi following them behind. He turned around, facing Tegoshi  he said, "we'll be waiting outside." and closed the door. Tegoshi looked at Masuda, smiles painfully, stepping forward to the door.

"Wait." Tegoshi stopped turning the doorknob "What are these?" Masuda is pointing at the boxes in front of him. Tegoshi didn't answer, face down, he slowly turned around and looked at Masuda painfully. "Is.. Is there someth-"

"Those are all the things that you gave. I.. I want to end our relationship, I am breaking up with you" eyes closed, he said it fast enough for him to handle. He opened his eyes and saw Masuda's wide eyes staring at him. "I know you are just waiting for the right time to say those words to me. Isn't it better that I said it first?" he smiles at Masuda, eyes getting wet. "I do not want to let you go so I decided to hold on to you, hoping that you will come back to me. But.." he laugh , runs a hand on his hair "I'm sorry, for selfishly holding on to you this long. I'm sorry for forcing myself on you when you really doesn't want my presence at all. I am sorry for always annoying you with my calls every midnight or dawn, those are the only time I am free from work. I am sorry for leaving you behind and calling Nakamaru to be with you that time, our team got stuck in Hokkaido, the manager of Eight Company there didn't want us to go because of snow storm. I know it's my fault why we are like this right now. But believe me, I tried my best on holding our relationship in place. I tried on finishing all my works before deadline so that I can be with you, sometimes I would bring those paper works with me back to my apartment. But I guess, the best that I thought was my best is not really the best." he laugh at the words that just come out from his mouth. Masuda stepped his foot forward and he saw it, "Don't! Don't come near me, Massu." he said, voice trembling. "I am letting you go so please don't come near me.. please stay right there." He inhales deeply, vision getting blurry "I tried my best on holding on to you, really. Because I still believe on the words that you said to me back then. Do you still remember those words? I bet you have forgotten already.. but it's okay" he forced a smile "Nakamaru is a close friend of mine so I know I can trust him. Don't worry." He turned his back from Masuda, facing the door "Don't worry about me , Massu. I can make it through this alone, I am strong now." he opened the door "please don't tell Daiki that we're already done. I do not want this to affect his relationship with my brother." He looked back at Masuda, for the last time, "I just want you to be happy. Please be happy.. Masuda" he smiles sweetly at Masuda but his eyes are not smiling at all, and close the door.

Masuda was left there, wide eyes, he is trying his best to inhale everything that Tegoshi said. Please be happy Masuda. Masuda. Masuda. He doesn't know but his mind keeps on repeating his name. He heard laughing outside, he went near the glass window and saw them at their lawn, laughing at Tegoshi. He heard Daiki's voice saying Tegoshi is teary-eyed because he saw him fell from the stairs, and Tegoshi's 'I did not!' answer before Kato lead them inside the van. He watched till the van is out of view. He is speechless. He told himself he should be happy, shouldn't he? This is what he wanted. He is tired of being with Tegoshi. He is tired with his always late calls. He is tired of being left behind. Isn't this what he wanted? Then why is he not happy?

I am sorry for leaving you behind and calling Nakamaru to be with you that time, our team got stuck in Hokkaido, the manager of Eight Company didn't want us to go home because of snow storm. He tried to remember his conversation with Nakamaru

"Tesshi called and said he needs a replacement because the tickets are expensive and he can't just waste money, he also said he felt bad for not being here with you. So don't wear that face because Tesshi is not cheating. Masuda, I heard there's a snow storm in Hokkaido, isn't he in Hokkaido right now?"

"No,he is  in Osaka. If it's Eight Company, he should be in Osaka." That's what he knows, he doesn't know that Eight Company has a branch in Hokkaido

"But in the video earlier.." he is trying to remember their conversation an hour ago
"Don't listen to him Yuichi! We are in Hokkaido!"
"Shut up Shige!"
"Hokkaido? I heard of the snow storm-"
"That's why we can't go back. They don't want us to leav-"
"Shut up Shige! You are ruining my video call! Maru, we are in Osaka, Massu kno-" and the call was cut, maybe Tegoshi's battery emptied out.
"Tesshi, you don't want Masuda to worry, right?"

"What are you murmuring? Come on! The concert will start soon"

Masuda sat on his bed, hands messing his hair. "Tegoshi is right. I am happy that he said it first." he said and forced a laugh "I am happy! I am happy!" he said it again over and over again. "Eh?" a sob came out "Eh?" a tear escape from his eye "I said I am happy!" he said angrily, voice muffled because of the pillow. "Wh-Why? Why?" and he break down. Sweet, happy and funny memories flashing. Tegoshi's sweet happy voice calling him, whispering on his ear. Tegoshi's appearance earlier made him clenched his fist, "I won't let anyone hurt you.I love you" those are the words he whispered to him when he rescued Tegoshi from drowning that time when he got bullied by his classmates and forcefully threw him in the river when they were out camping. "Please be happy Masuda" he heard someone said, he looked up and see no one was there. "NO" he shook his head and scurries to the door.

----

Yuri is sitting on Ryo's lap, still whining about being left behind. "When you are 18, I would let you go on trips outside the country"

"But that's still 7 years from now" Yuri whined, pinching his dad's cheeks

"You can go on trips when you are with your parents, just ask them. I went to Korea with Koichi last year. " Ryosuke butt in, carrying his dog Coco

"Kid, you are not calling him Daddy again." Ryo shouted

"He doesn't want me to call him Dad and I've been calling him Koichi for 11 years now so who cares." Ryosuke rolled his eyes and continue playing with Coco. Yuri jumped from Ryo's lap and went to Ryosuke, they played with Coco.

There was a doorbell and Ryo shouted at Ryosuke "Your Dad is here!"

"That's not Koichi. I am sleeping over today, did you forget old man?" He smirked at Ryo, he earned a smack from Yuri saying it's not right to call his dad old man.

Ryo left the two and headed to the door. "Who is- Oh! Masuda! What brings you here?" Ryo smiles

"Yuya. I want to see Yuya. I need to talk to Yuya. I want to see Yuya. I need to-" he said, frantically moving back and forth, making Ryo dizzy.

"H-hey! Stop!" He lift a hand in front of him, the other on his head "It hurts. You are making me dizzy. Yuu-kun is not here." Masuda ran  "Neither in his apartment!" Ryo shouted

"What- Where is he?" he said, running back to Ryo

"They went on a trip. They'll be gone for a week." Ryo stares blankly at Masuda "Don't tell me you don't know? Your brother is with them." he added with a laugh

"Where are they right now?" Right, he should have known better, to keep in touch with his brother. He should have listen when Daiki said something about a trip last night.

"I don't know. Yuu-kun didn't mention it to me. He just said he needed to think about something.." Ryo pause and look intently at Masuda "Did something happen with you and Yuu-kun?" Masuda's eyes fell down "Do your best Masuda." he looked up at him, wide eyes "I like you for my brother. I don't know what happened but" he put a hand on his shoulder "he really loves you so much. So, he won't leave you that easily." he grins "Just don't hurt him.. deeply" he added, voice serious.

Masuda went home with a very heavy feeling. He locked himself on his room, and slumped onto the bed, not wanting to move from his position. He closed his eyes and he saw Tegoshi, calling him 'Masuda'.



He was thinking if they would end up being strangers after all those years they were together.

-------


"You didn't tell your brother about our trip, did you?" Koyama asked Daiki. The young guy look confusedly and laugh "What?"

"What? Of course I told him. But not excitedly, after all, he knows about this trip. You said it yesterday too, that his schedule is full." Daiki said, giggling, looking at Yabu, who is beside him.

Kato glared at Koyama. Really, he can be an idiot sometimes. "Don't mind him. He just want to say something." he glanced at Koyama, raising a brow "he just want to speak but because of too much work a screw was loose inside his head that's why he can't think straight." he huffed and looked around them, they are in their cottage, he stretched his hands, leaned back  and smiles "The reason we are here in paradise is to let go of all the stress and problems that we have, even just for a while." he smiled at the two guys in front of him "right, where's your brother?"

"Swimming" it's just a word but it made Kato and Koyama nervous "Maybe he wants to get tan, he has been out there swimming for a while now"

"Maybe.. when I saw him earlier he was floating, I think he is too stressed, both because of too much work and brother being stubborn.. and the water and scenery here relaxes him." Daiki giggles

Koyama and Kato both look at each other at the same time and gulped "Go, go, go" Koyama said, slapping continuously Kato's arm. Right. This is not paradise at all if Tegoshi would kill himself. No way. He planned this for them to relax. And the relax that he meant is not the relax to let go of the problems and sleep forever, it is the relax to be stress free and sleep all day and have fun. He thought he won't relax at all, he can't leave Tegoshi alone, he doesn't want his friend to do something foolish, especially now that he is lost, broken, and empty. He gasped when he saw Tegoshi, not that far from the shore, floating, just like what Daiki said. He hurriedly run , not swim because he can't swim that fast, Tegoshi's floating body sinked and he forgot how to breath , he was almost there when Tegoshi looked up wearing goggles and an angry face. "Eh?"

"You scared the fishes! Now they are all gone." Tegoshi said, pouting

"Fish?" Kato said, he stares at Tegoshi who stares back at him, he laugh "Silly. We were thinking of the worse." he shook his head and smiles at Tegoshi "Sorry, you know I'm not a good swimmer"

"Did you really swim Shige? Because I saw feet walking to my direction" Tegoshi added with a laugh

"Let's go back. Let's eat first" Kato said, pulling Tegoshi with him back to the shore

"I'll eat later, they are coming." he said smiling, looking at the people running towards them

"Let's swim! Let's swim!" Yabu and Daiki were shouting excitedly. Koyama handed him and Tegoshi a bowl of food. Kato breathe in deeply, inhaling the moment he is now. Yes, this is vacation, relaxing indeed.

-----

Smiling and saying his good night to the others, he headed back to his room first. Tegoshi saw the big teddy bear lying, its back facing him. He smiles, walked to his bed and get the bear, looked at it in the eyes. He hugged it tight. "Massu" he whispered "I'm sorry for leaving you here all alone, while I was out there with them having fun" he kissed the bear in the cheeks, and closed his eyes, "Let's sleep, I'm tired" he is tired, he purposely emptied out his energy again, for him to go to slumber directly when night time comes. "Days passed by so fast, tomorrow would be our last day here" he whispered sleepily, and before he finally dozed off, a tear managed to escape from his eyes.

------

They are hugging and kissing and rolling. They fell down from the bed, look at each other and laugh. He smiled at him and kissed him again, still staying on the floor. Tegoshi whispered I Love You and he whispered back. They kissed again, hard, and an alarm was heard, everything faded. Masuda stares at the ceiling, heart beating fast, eyes getting wet. What a very painful way to start his day. He stayed still on his bed, not really wanting to go out from his room and meet other people, especially the one he is with now. Because when he is with him, he thinks of Tegoshi. When they hold hands, he can see a smiling Tegoshi. When they go out to eat, an excited Tegoshi is jumping in front of him, When he hugged him, Tegoshi burying his blushing face on his shoulder is apparently what he sees. And now, that dream again. It makes his heart aches to an extent level that he has to curl his hands on his chest and clenched his teeth to prevent a loud cry. He regretted leaving Tegoshi, ending everything between them. He is the one who end it first. Did he ever love Nakamaru? He asked himself.

----


"Let's end this." he said , facing Nakamaru across him, they are at Hyphen bar, he called Nakamaru here, to talk. Nakamaru is surprised but the sides of his mouth turned up.

"I was about to tell you that" he said, still looking at Masuda, with a smile. Apparently, Masuda gave him a questioning look , "I am sorry, for ruining your relationship with Tesshi." he said bitterly "I.. that time, Su-chan and I broke up, I was so broken hearted, then Tesshi called and told me to hang out with you when I have time to spare.. I ended up having something with you but, when I saw Su-chan two days ago, I thought.. it's not love at all.. I am sorry.. Masuda" he added, putting his hand at Masuda's.

"Maru.." he stares at Nakamaru "I.."

"No, it's okay. You don't love me, if you are worried about that." Masuda stares at him and was about to open his mouth "No, it's not the same. It's not love that we felt that time.. i think it's more of.. lust.. I am really sorry Masuda.. I was the one who approached you first.."

He shook his head "It's not just your fault.."

-----

It was already late at night when he got home. He slumped onto the couch, sighing and thinking of Tegoshi, where on earth he is now, and his brother. "Daiki is too carefree, he better behaves, I do not want him to cause them trouble." He positioned himself and covered his eyes with his arm, deciding to sleep on the couch.

"Oh, you are here already" he jumped when he heard the sudden cheery voice of his brother.

"You..are home" Masuda said, following the direction of his brother who went to the kitchen. He came back with glasses on his hands.

Daiki smiled at his brother, "We're home." Happiness present in his voice "I bought you souvenirs and let's go to my room, we are eating chocolates" he said, gesturing his hand to the stairs

"We, who?" Masuda's heart skips a beat. He wishes Tegoshi is there, upstairs.

"Ya-chan.. I asked Yuya-nii to stay but he said he is tired so he went home" he raised a brow suspecting Masuda's actions "Did you guys fight? He seems to be avoiding you." he turned his back from his brother and started heading to the stairs "You better make up. Don't punish yourself any longer. Good luck." Daiki added, he looked back and saw his brother hurriedly opening the door and curses when he can't open it. He giggled and walked to his brother, he let his brother hold the glasses and opened the door for him, unchaining the door. "Go" and get the glasses from him. His brother smiled and ruffled his hair, when his brother is already out of his view, he closed the door and headed back to his room.

"So, their fight was really that big?" Daiki heard Yabu said when he entered his room. They are having an after party.

"We won't be like them, right, Ya-chan?" Daiki said, smiling at Yabu, putting the glasses on the table. He turned his head to the person in front of Yabu "Keii-chan, Shige-san will wrestle you down when he knows you told us about this."

"So please act blind. Please spare my life." Koyama said, bowing in front of them. They laugh and promised him that they would, if their brothers will be together again, if not, they won't shut their mouth.



Koyama rolled on the floor, muttering he is now surrendering his life.

----

He doesn't want to open the door because he is suffering from jet lag, he doesn't want to move, he badly needs a rest. The sound of the doorbell is irritating him. He shouted 'Coming!' and headed lazily to the door, opening it "Who is it? What do-" Masuda came in and hugged him tight.



Tegoshi tried on pushing the person who just hugged him but stopped when he realized the person was familiar, the arms, the clothes, the scent. "Ma-massu?" he said softly, he felt Masuda's hug tighten around him and he hear a sob "Massu?" he said again, loud enough for him to know that he is calling him, another sob and he automatically put his hands around his back, embracing him in return. "What's wrong Masuda?" Masuda shook his head and buried his face on his neck

"Don't. Please. Don't call me Masuda.. Yuya" he said, sobbing, hugging him tight. "I.. I do not want to lose you.. I'm sorry Yuya. I'm sorry. Please forgive me, please.. I can't make it through each day knowing that you are not a part of me anymore.. I'm sorry , I promised you I won't let anyone hurt you, and I failed.. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Masud-"

He shook his head again, not wanting Tegoshi to finish saying his name. He pulled himself away and face Tegoshi, but still too close enough that there foreheads are touching. He put a hand on his face "I am so lost without you. I love you" he said softly, eyes watering, staring at Tegoshi's big, beautiful and wet eyes. He leaned , their lips touched and Tegoshi managed to say 'I love you' back. They closed their eyes, and pulled each other close, running fingers on  each other's back and head as they continue devouring each other's lips.

Beneath the clear night sky, I chase after you

I hold your hand and hug you saying

"Please don't go. Please stay by my side."

I will never leave you, ever again

Baby, once is enough, yes once is enough

I do not want you to go away from me

Please let me hear you say you'll stay with me

I have learned my lesson

Baby, you are all I need
I am sorry for hurting you

I will not make you cry, ever again

Because seeing you cry is like tearing my heart slowly

Baby, I love you

Yes, I love you

You are the most important person in my life

No one else, just you

You complete me baby, yes you do

And you walking away from me like that was somewhat not you
Please don't give up on me

Please don't give up on us

I remember those times when we were together
Those feelings, those excitements, yes I do remember

The way I act when you are around

The way I stick to you when it's just the two of us

That feeling when you hold me for the first time

That feeling when we kissed for the first time and

That feeling when we hugged for the first time

The way you blush whenever I say something to you

The way you blush whenever I do something to you publicly

The way I blush whenever you surprises me

The way I blush whenever you say, "I love you"

I have never forgotten

The first day, the first month, the first year

Those days, happy and sad, yes I have never forgotten

I will do my best. Yes for you I will

You are my everything
You are my love

My one and only love

You are my star

My one and only star

You are my hope

My one and only hope
Only you, always you




-------

I am sorry. x( I hope you won't get disappointed with this.. TT^TT.