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yryumiTitle: Come Back To Me 6/?
Characters: Masuda, Tegoshi, Koyama, Kato, Kusano, Takahiro, Haruka, Jyunichi
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Fluff, Romance
Summary: The heat of the sunlight slightly touching his face, waking him up. He glanced at his clock and whispered 10 more minutes before closing his eyes again, hiding his face underneath his pillow. He almost dozed off when his phone rang. He whined but still went towards the table to get his phone, it was Koyama.
A/N: this is, again, for Nina-chan ~(^O^)/ because I said I'll update the other fic but ended up updating this one. :D
English is not my first language. I apologize for the errors
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He looked like their deceased friend... Kusano thought as he observed Koyama and Jyunichi in the kitchen, baking a cake. Koyama has no troubles on being friendly with Jyunichi, something that he is thankful of. This is the first time for Jyunichi to have friends and to have someone to talk to. It's always him and Haruka or the maids that would come every morning that he talked to, always. And having someone like Koyama who talks a lot, who is friendly and cheery around Jyunichi, he seems to be seeing a new person. Jyunichi is laughing so much and Koyama laughed with him even if it was clear that his mistakes was the reason behind Jyunichi's laughter. He laughed at his mistakes, that just made Jyunichi grins happily at Koyama. He won't stop teaching Koyama, now.. Kusano chuckled. He seems to be enjoying his time with Koyama, it made his heart swell. He really looks like him. Shige's words suddenly echoed in his ears and he blinked when he saw Masuda passed by at him at the door, not even glancing at him. Wanting to greet Masuda, he opened his mouth but stopped when Masuda's mouth quivered as he stares at the direction of Jyunichi and Koyama. Masuda turned around and finally he saw Kusano, but the timing is bad because his eyes are welling up and he hastily dropped down his head and half run-half walk towards the direction of the stairs.
"Who's that?" Jyunichi asked, walking toward him, still wearing an apron and hands holding a is that a cream? He has a bad feeling about this. When he looked up at Koyama, the older just grins at him, wide.
"Ma-masuda-kun." he replied, eyeing Jyunichi's hands.
"Oh.. I think he hates me..."
"Eh? Why would you think that?"
"Right. Massu doesn't hate you, Jyunichi." Koyama added, walking toward them.
".. but he has been avoiding me since we got home from the supermarket."
"No no no. You are thinking too much." Koyama assured him "But if he really was avoiding you, he has his own reason" he added sadly and Kusano snapped his eyes on him. He stares at Koyama and the older stares back at him.
"... Do you think I need to check on him?" he asked Kusano who is still leaning on the door frame.
"I guess so. You might be able to help him.." he added thoughtfully, Shige's words and Koyama's words ringing again and again on his ears. That might not be a good idea... but Masuda-kun seems.. "AAAAH!" he shouted when Jyunichi wiped some cream on his face. He then laughed as he ran away, shouting Help Kei-chan for me! "Kei-chan?" he wondered out loud
"Yeah. We are close now you know." Koyama grins
"I see that" he said, laughing at how dirty Koyama is.
---
"I can't. I need to get out from here." he said out loud
"So you really don't like my presence" Masuda's voice hitched and he stopped sobbing, listening closely to the footsteps that is coming closer to his direction. "Sorry, I knocked but you didn't answer so I thought of checking if you were really here.. I won't stop you if you want to get out from here, Masuda-kun." Jyunichi said. He is hurt actually. Knowing there is someone who doesn't like his presence shattered his confidence on making friends. "And I'm sorry." Jyunichi added with a small voice that made Masuda guilty, panicked and at the same time afraid. But Masuda didn't move. He can't even look at Jyunichi in the eyes without breaking into tears. Is it wrong to see Jyunichi as another person? His heart aches so so much and his body aches to touch and hold Tegoshi. It's Jyunichi not Yuya, damn heart. He was lying on his stomach, his pillow is already wet of his tears and sheets crumpled because of his clenched fist. Damn it.
"Masuda-kun, are you okay?" he heard Jyunichi's voice again and he felt his body shaking when he felt a hand on his shoulder. "I.. I am really sorry if it was my doing but won't you at least point it out so that I won't do it again?" Jyunichi suddenly gasped, surprised. Masuda suddenly stand and throw his arms around him, pulling him down as Masuda lie down again on the bed. He noticed the strong grip of Masuda around his waist and instead of complaining, he doesn't know but he surrendered.
"Please let me hold you like this, even just for today." Masuda said, burying his face on Jyunichi's chest, pulling the man closer, not minding how Jyunichi pressed all his weight on him.
Jyunichi blinked and blinked and blinked again "... you are not good.. it's not about me at all, right?" he softly said as he listened to Masuda's muffled sobs. Surrendering his weight completely to the bed (or to Masuda) he pressed his face to the pillow and noticed a part of it was wet. Because he didn't know how to react, he just let Masuda hold him as he continued crying. At some point though, Jyunichi unconsciously lift his hand and petted Masuda's head. He then shifted until half of his body was on the bed. "Masuda-kun?" he whispered, still petting Masuda when the other man seemed to have fallen asleep.
"I'm sorry.. for crying and for pulling you." answered Masuda's hoarsed reply. his voice sounded so dry and Jyunichi felt the urge to get out in bed to get some water for him. He tried to, really, he tried to follow the urge to get some water but the thought of him going out and breaking Masuda's moment doesn't feel right at all so he stayed still instead. " You might think it's weird--"
"Don't be sorry. I might not know what you are feeling right now but I am glad I can comfort you like this. And it's not weird at all. I comfort Haru like this when she cries and Kusano also had comforted me like this.."
"Ha-haru?" he asked and somehow, just by saying a girl's name made his eyes well up again.
"Yes, she is my sister. You okay?" he added when he felt Masuda's hold tightened around him. "You know it's almost time for dinner. You should really eat. You didn't eat lunch."
"I'm sorry.. I don't think I can eat something right now... and also I do not want them to see my face right now." he added and was awarded with Jyunichi's laugh. "Can I hold you for another five minutes, please?" he asked, his voice hitched and is higher than usual. Jyunichi nodded and he let go of his breath that he didn't notice he was holding.
"As long as we are friends, I can do this to you.. we just know each other but we are going to be friends.. no, we are friends now, right?" Jyunichi asked and he nodded. He wanted to, yes, he wanted to be Jyunichi's friend. He can't deny the fact that he likes it. he can't deny the fact that his heart throbs painfully everytime he sees Jyunichi. He can't deny that being able to hold Jyunichi like this makes him feel better. He sees Tegoshi in him. He knows it's not right. He is just using the other person. He is not Tegoshi but he make-believed that he is Tegoshi. and that made is heart thumps painfully in his chest. Yuya..
---
Shige went out in his room still on his pajamas and still with his bed hair. He yawned loudly as he descended on the stairs. The bed was comfy, the room was comfy, actually Jyunichi's house is comfy but when he saw Masuda on the sofa staring at nothing, he remembered what he told Koyama yesterday. He approached Masuda as he stretched his hands.
"Good morning.. do you want us to leave and go to a hote--"
"No!" Masuda expressed, looking at him with wide eyes and Shige too stared at Masuda with wide eyes.
"I am not yet finished talking! And don't shout. It's too early to start shouting. But okay. We'll stay here.. as long as it won't break you in half." he added, looking at Masuda who shifted his gaze from him to the picture hanging on the wall.
"It won't break me.. I am already broken." he mumbled
"Masu--"
"Shige! Good morning!" Jyunichi suddenly appeared in front of them with Koyama on his side. Shige blinked not just because Jyunichi snapped a photo of him but also because he just called him Shige "Oh, sorry. Kei-chan said it's alright to call you Shige, so I did!" he added with a smile.
"Kei-chan?" he stupidly repeated
"Nn. And Massu. Since we already have two Taka in this house, I just thought of using Kei-chan's suggestion, Massu. Though I can still call him Takahisa." he added thoughtfully, his lips pouting in concentration. He then glanced at Masuda and smiles "Takahisa, good morning!"
"Uhm.." Masuda didn't know how to answer, he let his head fall down as his inside clenched painfully on his chest.
Jyunichi saw the sudden change of expression on Masuda's face and he panicked "You don't like it? I'm sorry, Ma-"
"It's not that I don't like it." he hurriedly cut Jyunichi "It's just that.."
"His lover always calls him by his name, Jyunichi" Koyama butted in and Jyunichi hurriedly apologize
"Im sorry. I heard about your lover-" Jyunichi started but stopped when Masuda's eyes flicked on his direction again, now looking at him differently.
Kato suddenly sensed a change in the atmosphere and walked toward Jyunichi, covering him from Masuda's stares. "Who told you?" he asked softly, sadly, though he already knows who even before Jyunichi said Koyama's name.
"What did you tell him, Koyama?" Masuda said, anger present in his voice.
"Wait. Please don't be angry at Kei-chan, Masuda-kun." Jyunichi pleaded. "it was my fault. i was worried so i asked him why you break down yesterday." he hasn't feel this frightened in his whole life, well as long as he can remember, but he is too weak to see his friends fighting, worse in front of him and worst because of him, because of what he just said, because of what he just asked, because he was curious, because he doesn't know anything, because he is dumb and because his weakness is when he sees someone crying, he just couldn't stand it when someone cries, his mind just couldn't stop thinking about different causes why someone would burst out into tears. he licked his now dry lips as he continued "he only told me that it was his death anniversary yesterday. so please don't be angry at him. be angry with me instead, it was me who asked. i'm sorry i am not supposed to dwell in your private life." he added and Jyunichi saw how Masuda clenched his fist.
"what's happening here?" kusano's voice suddenly reached them and they all turned toward the staircase. kusano has his brows furrowed, confused, with takahiro behind him. "jyunichi?" he asked, nervously and even frightened when he saw how he looked at him, jyunichi's lips are quivering and kusano knows he is going to crumble any second now so he smiled invitingly at him and nod. in an instant, jyunichi dashed towards kusano's open arms. jyunichi was shaking hard when he encircled his arms around him. in the corner of his eyes, he saw koyama moved but he mouthed it's okay i can handle him as he whispered soothing words in jyunichi's ear, his fingers caressing jyunichi's back up and down. "it's okay. it's okay. it's not your fault. it's not, okay?" he whispered again and again as he kissed jyunichi's head.
among the six of them, only kusano and jyunichi are moving in the big living room as of the moment, the others are looking at them silently, patiently, or maybe even anxiously. and only their voices can be heard inside the living room. jyunichi's small and high pitched voice, clearly afraid and kusano's soothing voice, telling him everything is alright and that it's not his fault.
masuda, who has been staring silently at jyunichi's sudden change of demeanor and at the butler's way of calming jyunichi down, can't stand staring silently anymore so he walked toward them. on his way, koyama grabbed his arm, telling him to stop because kusano can handle him but he didn't listen. he swatted koyama's hand away and continued walking toward them. kusano eyed him cautiously and masuda did the same. he stopped in front of them and he saw how jyunichi stiffened. "it's not your fault. i am not angry at you. i am not angry at koyama, either." he said softly, lifting his hand to jyunichi's shoulder. kusano stares back and forth at his hand and at his face but masuda didn't glance at him. "jyunichi, i'm sorry. did i scare you?" he asked, obviously trying to calm himself as he said those words. in his surprise, and he can also see kusano seemed to be surprised too, jyunichi turned around and throw his hands around his back, shaking as he said his apologies on masuda's chest. "i already told you it's not your fault." he softly whispered on jyunichi's ear as he buried his face on his hair, inhaling his scent with his arms encircling around jyunichi's shoulder, holding his shaking form.
the way masuda hold jyunichi and the way he acts around him is so intimate and full of love that koyama averted his gaze from them to the couch and tried to outline the design of the couch, while shige just blinked and turned around to stare at the corner of the wall. takahiro and kusano on the other hand discreetly sat down on the steps and played thumb wrestling though the butler still checks jyunichi from the corner of his eyes. after five minutes or more, masuda loosened his grip around jyunichi, just loosened it a bit but still holds the younger man close.
jyunichi sniffed and sniffed until he lifted his head to look at Masuda. he looked back at him and for the first time in his life, he got lost into someone's eyes. there were just so many emotions in there that jyunichi couldn't identify. feeling his intense gaze at him, he dropped down his eyes and let it wander on his shoulder till he looked pass by his shoulder and fixed his eyes on shige's back instead. "you okay now?" masuda whispered to him, still looking at him in the eyes and jyunichi glanced up at him before he nodded. "i'm okay now. thank you." jyunichi said and tried to pull away from masuda's surprisingly very comfortable embrace but to no avail, masuda's grip around his shoulder won't let him go.
"are you sure?" masuda asked again and this time, he didn't try to get away from him, he just nodded as he rested his head on his shoulder. okay, he is not okay, he is feeling tired and sleepy already when minutes ago he was still laughing and goofing around with koyama. "would you like me to help you on your bed? you don't look good at all..." he added and he saw how jyunichi tried to catch his butler's eyes "it's okay if you don't want to.. i forgot you have kusano-kun." he said and masuda hoped jyunichi didn't catch the bitterness of his voice.
kusano though, had caught it and he owlishly blinked at him from the steps. "of course, jyunichi have me but i don't think jyunichi would mind if you take him upstairs." he said, hiding his amusement albeit confusion as masuda helped jyunichi to the steps. "jyunichi?" he asked as jyunichi passed by at him. jyunichi looked at him and smiled tiredly. he smiled back. standing, he ruffled his hair. "i'm glad you are okay now." kusano said and jyunichi chuckled so slowly.
----
"why was he like that?" shige asked kusano directly as masuda and jyunichi were already out of their sight. it's unusual and to be honest, he was scared. "what's wrong with jyunichi?"
kusano sigh "i really don't know but it happened before and it always happens when he can sense people fight or quarrel.." his voice faded as he averted his gaze to koyama and the older lowered down his head.
"im sorry. masuda was upset with me.. i told jyunichi the reason why masuda was feeling down yesterday and.. i didn't think masuda will react like that..."
"jyunichi might be very scared earlier.. at least, masuda-kun managed to stop him from shaking and crying.. setting that aside, should we prepare our breakfast already? i'll just take jyunichi's breakfast in his room." the butler said, walking to the direction of the kitchen.
"kusano-kun" shige called and the butler stopped walking "he is going to be okay today, right?" shige asked, already missing the giggling and laughing jyunichi that greeted him earlier.
"i.. can't really say that .. the last time this happened, he managed to fall asleep, but he always woke up suddenly because of nightmares.. and at the end of the day, he would always have a severe headache and a fever." kusano sadly added
"we are sorry for troubling him. i think it's time for us to -"
"no, kato-kun. please, stay. i am not blaming you, or koyama or masuda-kun. jyunichi is not blaming you too, right? before, jyunichi only have me. his sister is not always here 24/7, she has a life in tokyo but she still managed to be here because her brother needs her presence. i've always been with jyunichi and i know how he likes to have you guys around. so please stay until the last day of your vacation. for jyunichi. and for yourselves too.."
"but-" shige started but was cut-off by koyama
"i guess.. okay. for jyunichi." and for ourselves..
---
as long as jyunichi plopped down on his bed, he fell asleep. he was really tired, masuda thought. he stayed beside him on his bed. he got scared earlier, actually. scared and maybe even guilty, and maybe even jealous. masuda stares at his face for a minute before he reluctantly leave jyunichi's room.
downstairs, the others are busy preparing the table. when the butler saw him, he nodded and told him jyunichi's asleep. "thanks. i'll take the responsibility from you now. i'll take care of him." kusano said with a smile as he took the tray of food in the table. "really, thank you for calming him down, masuda-kun" the butler added and he passed by at him. masuda wanted to run, to take the tray from kusano and to tell him he'll take care of jyunichi but he didn't say it, he just couldn't say it. his feet was glued on the floor, his eyes was glued on the table, his fists clenched inside his pockets, his expression blank but his breathing is ragged.
"masuda, i'm sorry." koyama said as he walked toward his friend, looking oh so sadly and troubled. "look, for jyunichi, let's be friends again."
"huh?"
"kusano said jyunichi would react like that if ever he can sense fighting, quarreling.. if you are still angry at me, fine. but please don't let jyunichi see that."
"i'm not.. i'm sorry too, kei-chan.. i... actually, i got scared. i don't know why.. maybe i do not want him to pity me.. i"
"let's take care of him later, okay?"
koyama asked and he nodded. the older put his arm around his shoulder, pulling him to the table where shige and takahiro are waiting.
---
he is dreaming. it's this dream again. it's a familiar yet unfamiliar place. he is watching the TV when someone opened the door. he saw himself smiling wide as he run from the sofa to the person who just arrived. he giggled when the person pulled him closer and hug him tight. he can clearly see his happy face as he hugged the person back. cheesy as it is, he kissed the person on the lips as he said welcome back!
"jyunichi? wake up, it's time for breakfast." kusano said as he put the tray of food on the bedside table. he glanced at jyunichi, he was still sleeping. he can't just disturb that peaceful sleeping face, can he?
he is now walking outside, in a park, it seems. the surrounding is so beautiful. he knows the place but can't remember. he is still with someone and somehow, even if he can't clearly see the person, he knows it's the same person who always bring a smile on his face. jyunichi has always wanted to meet this person for real. but meeting the person in your dreams for real, is that kind of fantasy do really happen in real life?
it's this scene again. and as always it made him shy, awkward, embarrassed. he was naked, on the bed with person he loves--he labeled the man in his dream that way because it just feel so right to label him as the person he loves. to summarize this scene, they are making love. usually, after this, the scene where they are watching a firework display should be played in his head.
but no. the scene is so gloomy at all. the place is dark with only lamps on the side of the boat or a yacht lighted his way. jyunichi saw himself there with another person, not the person he loves. he is not smiling at all, instead he is tensed. someone is shouting in front of him. and that someone is answering himself. jyunichi saw himself talking back to the person, calming him. his eyes suddenly grew wide and the person in front of him has his eyes wide too, looking at him as if he did something wrong. then that person laughed and then cried. jyunichi saw himself crouching down. he uttered something. he reached for the person standing in front of him. he tried to reach for him as some melody played in the background.
"wake up! wake up!" kusano has been trying on waking him up for half a minute now. jyunichi is having that nightmare again though it seemed it got worsen. "jyunichi please!"
the person identified his phone is ringing so he took it out in his pocket. jyunichi's face contorted in pain and as the person in front of him hide his phone, he reached his leg but he got kicked, hard that he flew and his head hit the railings. the person is crying as he started shouting at him again. jyunichi can't move, he kept on shouting stop it! as the person kneeling in front of him keeps on hitting his head on the railings, still crying, still shouting. then, suddenly, the man stop. he stared at jyunichi-- who also has tears in his eyes, saying sorry at him--with wide eyes. panicking, he lift jyunichi and push him out, letting him fall to the water.
"what happened!?" the door opened and four people came inside. a while ago, he called takahiro for help. they rushed to jyunichi's bed as they saw kusano frantically shaking jyunichi who is struggling to breathe.
"please! everything is fine! you are just dreaming! wake up!" kusano shouted and before he can encircle his arms around him, he was pushed aside by masuda.
then, everything seems to fade, jyunichi struggled, he can't breathe. he can still see his body on the water but the jyunichi who is watching the whole thing cannot breathe. he gasped for air, frantically gasping for air. out of nowhere, he heard a voice. someone is calling him. someone is telling him to wake up. yes, he is just dreaming. he need to wake up. jyunichi followed the faint voice...
"yuya!" masuda said as he put his arms around jyunichi. "wake up, please.. wake up." he whispered in his ear.
kusano blinked his eyes at masuda, confused (and yes surprised because he was pushed hard that he almost fell on the floor). "i'm sorry. he wasn't thinking when he called jyunichi with another name." koyama softly said when the older appeared beside him.
"you are just dreaming. you are just dreaming" masuda whispered brokenly, tightening his hold around jyunichi.
suddenly jyunichi gasped and opened his eyes. instinctively, he encircled his arms around the person who is cradling him. "it was just a dream.. a bad dream." jyunichi's shaky voice said, gripping masuda's shirt tightly. masuda?
"yes, it's jsut a dream.. none of those are real. they are just bad dreams.." masuda answered him, rocking him back and forth.
jyunichi buried his head on masuda's shoulder and nod. yes, none of those are real.. but, what did he dream again? why was he frightened and unable to breathe?
" do not force your mind to remember what you just dreamed about, jyunichi" he heard kusano telling him. he opened his eyes and lift his head from masuda's shoulder. kusano is there, looking at him worriedly at the side .
"i am not.. okay, i won't try. i'm sorry." he replied, still looking at his butler.
"no need to say sorry. you scared me there.." his butler said and it is enough for him to sob "you think it's time to visit your doctor again? your nightmare is getting worser and worser.."
"i'm sorry. but i don't think i am ready to visit the hospital yet.. i .. i'll be fine"
"but-"
"no. i do not want to. sorry and thank you, massu.." he said, cutting masuda off. he felt masuda nodding and he sighed. he is still tired but he is afraid to sleep again.
"you sure you are okay?" koyama asked this time and jyunichi smiled genuinely at him, when he saw how he put a hand on masuda's shoulder when he asked him. "massu?" he added and masuda nodded at him. "okay. come on, kusano. let massu handle him."
"eh? but-"
"jyunichi will be fine, right jyunichi?" koyama asked and he slowly nod his head. well, as confusedly as he think it is, he is sure he'll be fine with masuda. and also because he pity masuda--the guy is still grieving-- and he just upset him earlier... among the three guys from tokyo, only masuda seems to be distant to him but when he is troubled or scared just like right now or earlier, he is always the first to comfort him. jyunichi is thankful for that, really he is.
"do you want to sleep again or do you want to eat your breakfast? though it's already cold.." masuda said, pulling away from him. unconsciously he followed masuda's move. jyunichi got surprised with his action and masuda too but just smiled at him and hug him again. "sleep?" masuda whispered slowly, as if talking to a child, ordering him to sleep.
jyunichi shook his head. he is quite scared. he feels like something bad will happen if ever he would close his eyes and sleep right now. "don't be afraid, jyunichi.." masuda added as he slowly lay their bodies down.
jyunichi, somehow, trusts masuda's words and he found himself nodding at him. they lay down side by side, facing each other. "this is weird..." jyunichi softly said as he put both his hands under his cheek, making it a pillow. masuda pulled up the blanket and covered both of their bodies before mimicking jyunichi's action with his hands.
"weird what?" masuda asked as he shifted a little
"this. me. you. mine and your attitude. our actions and.. massu is so considerate.." he sleepily said. masuda stares at him and he stares back. just like what they did inside the van, they just stare at each other. and just like what happened to him earlier, he got lost inside masuda's eyes again.
he drowsily blinked his eyes when he sees masuda is trying to open his mouth to say something. jyunichi tried to stay awake but before his brain can register what masuda is saying, he end up sleeping.
he is dreaming again. wait. this is new.. where is this place? a school? someone is running toward him.
"did i make you wait?" the person asked
"no. i just arrived a minute ago. let's go?"
"where are we going today?"
"i want to show you something."
another dream.. now, where is he? at.. his parent's house?
"dad, won't you watch this movie with me?" he pouted
"no."
"but-"
"ask your mom, instead or ask that person you always bring here. next time, ask me next time. not now, okay? i'm quite busy..."
"yeah, busy with playing a virtual farm game.." he said and stomped his foot, walking away from his father when the old man just laughed at him.
...another one?
"i'm sorry. i already told you i already have a lover."
"oh b-"
"i am loyal to "
"... okay then. see you "
wait. what did he just call me? and who am i referring to?
... okay... now i'm at a park..
"you're late!" he shouted irritatingly
"i'm sorry! i overslept!"
"you were the one who told me you really really want to have a date today and not the day after tomorrow! i even skipped my class because you said it with urgency." he said, pouting
"i'm sorry. really really sorry"
"you! what were you doing last night?" he asked, brows furrowed
"i-i stayed up late thinking how to tell you that i want you to live with me without embarrassing myself i did not do anything bad last night really i was just thinking how to surprise you with-- i.. ohh.. i just slipped, right?"
"you.. really?"
"it- that-i mean-yes-you-"
and without thinking, he grabbed the stuttering guy's shirt and shut him up with a kiss
---tbc
A/N2: sorry. too lazy to edit it. as you have noticed, i didn't change the supposedly capital letters to capital letters. :3 i just copied it directly from my colornote. :'DD em lazy like that. :DD
Characters: Masuda, Tegoshi, Koyama, Kato, Kusano, Takahiro, Haruka, Jyunichi
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Fluff, Romance
Summary: The heat of the sunlight slightly touching his face, waking him up. He glanced at his clock and whispered 10 more minutes before closing his eyes again, hiding his face underneath his pillow. He almost dozed off when his phone rang. He whined but still went towards the table to get his phone, it was Koyama.
A/N: this is, again, for Nina-chan ~(^O^)/ because I said I'll update the other fic but ended up updating this one. :D
English is not my first language. I apologize for the errors
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He looked like their deceased friend... Kusano thought as he observed Koyama and Jyunichi in the kitchen, baking a cake. Koyama has no troubles on being friendly with Jyunichi, something that he is thankful of. This is the first time for Jyunichi to have friends and to have someone to talk to. It's always him and Haruka or the maids that would come every morning that he talked to, always. And having someone like Koyama who talks a lot, who is friendly and cheery around Jyunichi, he seems to be seeing a new person. Jyunichi is laughing so much and Koyama laughed with him even if it was clear that his mistakes was the reason behind Jyunichi's laughter. He laughed at his mistakes, that just made Jyunichi grins happily at Koyama. He won't stop teaching Koyama, now.. Kusano chuckled. He seems to be enjoying his time with Koyama, it made his heart swell. He really looks like him. Shige's words suddenly echoed in his ears and he blinked when he saw Masuda passed by at him at the door, not even glancing at him. Wanting to greet Masuda, he opened his mouth but stopped when Masuda's mouth quivered as he stares at the direction of Jyunichi and Koyama. Masuda turned around and finally he saw Kusano, but the timing is bad because his eyes are welling up and he hastily dropped down his head and half run-half walk towards the direction of the stairs.
"Who's that?" Jyunichi asked, walking toward him, still wearing an apron and hands holding a is that a cream? He has a bad feeling about this. When he looked up at Koyama, the older just grins at him, wide.
"Ma-masuda-kun." he replied, eyeing Jyunichi's hands.
"Oh.. I think he hates me..."
"Eh? Why would you think that?"
"Right. Massu doesn't hate you, Jyunichi." Koyama added, walking toward them.
".. but he has been avoiding me since we got home from the supermarket."
"No no no. You are thinking too much." Koyama assured him "But if he really was avoiding you, he has his own reason" he added sadly and Kusano snapped his eyes on him. He stares at Koyama and the older stares back at him.
"... Do you think I need to check on him?" he asked Kusano who is still leaning on the door frame.
"I guess so. You might be able to help him.." he added thoughtfully, Shige's words and Koyama's words ringing again and again on his ears. That might not be a good idea... but Masuda-kun seems.. "AAAAH!" he shouted when Jyunichi wiped some cream on his face. He then laughed as he ran away, shouting Help Kei-chan for me! "Kei-chan?" he wondered out loud
"Yeah. We are close now you know." Koyama grins
"I see that" he said, laughing at how dirty Koyama is.
---
"I can't. I need to get out from here." he said out loud
"So you really don't like my presence" Masuda's voice hitched and he stopped sobbing, listening closely to the footsteps that is coming closer to his direction. "Sorry, I knocked but you didn't answer so I thought of checking if you were really here.. I won't stop you if you want to get out from here, Masuda-kun." Jyunichi said. He is hurt actually. Knowing there is someone who doesn't like his presence shattered his confidence on making friends. "And I'm sorry." Jyunichi added with a small voice that made Masuda guilty, panicked and at the same time afraid. But Masuda didn't move. He can't even look at Jyunichi in the eyes without breaking into tears. Is it wrong to see Jyunichi as another person? His heart aches so so much and his body aches to touch and hold Tegoshi. It's Jyunichi not Yuya, damn heart. He was lying on his stomach, his pillow is already wet of his tears and sheets crumpled because of his clenched fist. Damn it.
"Masuda-kun, are you okay?" he heard Jyunichi's voice again and he felt his body shaking when he felt a hand on his shoulder. "I.. I am really sorry if it was my doing but won't you at least point it out so that I won't do it again?" Jyunichi suddenly gasped, surprised. Masuda suddenly stand and throw his arms around him, pulling him down as Masuda lie down again on the bed. He noticed the strong grip of Masuda around his waist and instead of complaining, he doesn't know but he surrendered.
"Please let me hold you like this, even just for today." Masuda said, burying his face on Jyunichi's chest, pulling the man closer, not minding how Jyunichi pressed all his weight on him.
Jyunichi blinked and blinked and blinked again "... you are not good.. it's not about me at all, right?" he softly said as he listened to Masuda's muffled sobs. Surrendering his weight completely to the bed (or to Masuda) he pressed his face to the pillow and noticed a part of it was wet. Because he didn't know how to react, he just let Masuda hold him as he continued crying. At some point though, Jyunichi unconsciously lift his hand and petted Masuda's head. He then shifted until half of his body was on the bed. "Masuda-kun?" he whispered, still petting Masuda when the other man seemed to have fallen asleep.
"I'm sorry.. for crying and for pulling you." answered Masuda's hoarsed reply. his voice sounded so dry and Jyunichi felt the urge to get out in bed to get some water for him. He tried to, really, he tried to follow the urge to get some water but the thought of him going out and breaking Masuda's moment doesn't feel right at all so he stayed still instead. " You might think it's weird--"
"Don't be sorry. I might not know what you are feeling right now but I am glad I can comfort you like this. And it's not weird at all. I comfort Haru like this when she cries and Kusano also had comforted me like this.."
"Ha-haru?" he asked and somehow, just by saying a girl's name made his eyes well up again.
"Yes, she is my sister. You okay?" he added when he felt Masuda's hold tightened around him. "You know it's almost time for dinner. You should really eat. You didn't eat lunch."
"I'm sorry.. I don't think I can eat something right now... and also I do not want them to see my face right now." he added and was awarded with Jyunichi's laugh. "Can I hold you for another five minutes, please?" he asked, his voice hitched and is higher than usual. Jyunichi nodded and he let go of his breath that he didn't notice he was holding.
"As long as we are friends, I can do this to you.. we just know each other but we are going to be friends.. no, we are friends now, right?" Jyunichi asked and he nodded. He wanted to, yes, he wanted to be Jyunichi's friend. He can't deny the fact that he likes it. he can't deny the fact that his heart throbs painfully everytime he sees Jyunichi. He can't deny that being able to hold Jyunichi like this makes him feel better. He sees Tegoshi in him. He knows it's not right. He is just using the other person. He is not Tegoshi but he make-believed that he is Tegoshi. and that made is heart thumps painfully in his chest. Yuya..
---
Shige went out in his room still on his pajamas and still with his bed hair. He yawned loudly as he descended on the stairs. The bed was comfy, the room was comfy, actually Jyunichi's house is comfy but when he saw Masuda on the sofa staring at nothing, he remembered what he told Koyama yesterday. He approached Masuda as he stretched his hands.
"Good morning.. do you want us to leave and go to a hote--"
"No!" Masuda expressed, looking at him with wide eyes and Shige too stared at Masuda with wide eyes.
"I am not yet finished talking! And don't shout. It's too early to start shouting. But okay. We'll stay here.. as long as it won't break you in half." he added, looking at Masuda who shifted his gaze from him to the picture hanging on the wall.
"It won't break me.. I am already broken." he mumbled
"Masu--"
"Shige! Good morning!" Jyunichi suddenly appeared in front of them with Koyama on his side. Shige blinked not just because Jyunichi snapped a photo of him but also because he just called him Shige "Oh, sorry. Kei-chan said it's alright to call you Shige, so I did!" he added with a smile.
"Kei-chan?" he stupidly repeated
"Nn. And Massu. Since we already have two Taka in this house, I just thought of using Kei-chan's suggestion, Massu. Though I can still call him Takahisa." he added thoughtfully, his lips pouting in concentration. He then glanced at Masuda and smiles "Takahisa, good morning!"
"Uhm.." Masuda didn't know how to answer, he let his head fall down as his inside clenched painfully on his chest.
Jyunichi saw the sudden change of expression on Masuda's face and he panicked "You don't like it? I'm sorry, Ma-"
"It's not that I don't like it." he hurriedly cut Jyunichi "It's just that.."
"His lover always calls him by his name, Jyunichi" Koyama butted in and Jyunichi hurriedly apologize
"Im sorry. I heard about your lover-" Jyunichi started but stopped when Masuda's eyes flicked on his direction again, now looking at him differently.
Kato suddenly sensed a change in the atmosphere and walked toward Jyunichi, covering him from Masuda's stares. "Who told you?" he asked softly, sadly, though he already knows who even before Jyunichi said Koyama's name.
"What did you tell him, Koyama?" Masuda said, anger present in his voice.
"Wait. Please don't be angry at Kei-chan, Masuda-kun." Jyunichi pleaded. "it was my fault. i was worried so i asked him why you break down yesterday." he hasn't feel this frightened in his whole life, well as long as he can remember, but he is too weak to see his friends fighting, worse in front of him and worst because of him, because of what he just said, because of what he just asked, because he was curious, because he doesn't know anything, because he is dumb and because his weakness is when he sees someone crying, he just couldn't stand it when someone cries, his mind just couldn't stop thinking about different causes why someone would burst out into tears. he licked his now dry lips as he continued "he only told me that it was his death anniversary yesterday. so please don't be angry at him. be angry with me instead, it was me who asked. i'm sorry i am not supposed to dwell in your private life." he added and Jyunichi saw how Masuda clenched his fist.
"what's happening here?" kusano's voice suddenly reached them and they all turned toward the staircase. kusano has his brows furrowed, confused, with takahiro behind him. "jyunichi?" he asked, nervously and even frightened when he saw how he looked at him, jyunichi's lips are quivering and kusano knows he is going to crumble any second now so he smiled invitingly at him and nod. in an instant, jyunichi dashed towards kusano's open arms. jyunichi was shaking hard when he encircled his arms around him. in the corner of his eyes, he saw koyama moved but he mouthed it's okay i can handle him as he whispered soothing words in jyunichi's ear, his fingers caressing jyunichi's back up and down. "it's okay. it's okay. it's not your fault. it's not, okay?" he whispered again and again as he kissed jyunichi's head.
among the six of them, only kusano and jyunichi are moving in the big living room as of the moment, the others are looking at them silently, patiently, or maybe even anxiously. and only their voices can be heard inside the living room. jyunichi's small and high pitched voice, clearly afraid and kusano's soothing voice, telling him everything is alright and that it's not his fault.
masuda, who has been staring silently at jyunichi's sudden change of demeanor and at the butler's way of calming jyunichi down, can't stand staring silently anymore so he walked toward them. on his way, koyama grabbed his arm, telling him to stop because kusano can handle him but he didn't listen. he swatted koyama's hand away and continued walking toward them. kusano eyed him cautiously and masuda did the same. he stopped in front of them and he saw how jyunichi stiffened. "it's not your fault. i am not angry at you. i am not angry at koyama, either." he said softly, lifting his hand to jyunichi's shoulder. kusano stares back and forth at his hand and at his face but masuda didn't glance at him. "jyunichi, i'm sorry. did i scare you?" he asked, obviously trying to calm himself as he said those words. in his surprise, and he can also see kusano seemed to be surprised too, jyunichi turned around and throw his hands around his back, shaking as he said his apologies on masuda's chest. "i already told you it's not your fault." he softly whispered on jyunichi's ear as he buried his face on his hair, inhaling his scent with his arms encircling around jyunichi's shoulder, holding his shaking form.
the way masuda hold jyunichi and the way he acts around him is so intimate and full of love that koyama averted his gaze from them to the couch and tried to outline the design of the couch, while shige just blinked and turned around to stare at the corner of the wall. takahiro and kusano on the other hand discreetly sat down on the steps and played thumb wrestling though the butler still checks jyunichi from the corner of his eyes. after five minutes or more, masuda loosened his grip around jyunichi, just loosened it a bit but still holds the younger man close.
jyunichi sniffed and sniffed until he lifted his head to look at Masuda. he looked back at him and for the first time in his life, he got lost into someone's eyes. there were just so many emotions in there that jyunichi couldn't identify. feeling his intense gaze at him, he dropped down his eyes and let it wander on his shoulder till he looked pass by his shoulder and fixed his eyes on shige's back instead. "you okay now?" masuda whispered to him, still looking at him in the eyes and jyunichi glanced up at him before he nodded. "i'm okay now. thank you." jyunichi said and tried to pull away from masuda's surprisingly very comfortable embrace but to no avail, masuda's grip around his shoulder won't let him go.
"are you sure?" masuda asked again and this time, he didn't try to get away from him, he just nodded as he rested his head on his shoulder. okay, he is not okay, he is feeling tired and sleepy already when minutes ago he was still laughing and goofing around with koyama. "would you like me to help you on your bed? you don't look good at all..." he added and he saw how jyunichi tried to catch his butler's eyes "it's okay if you don't want to.. i forgot you have kusano-kun." he said and masuda hoped jyunichi didn't catch the bitterness of his voice.
kusano though, had caught it and he owlishly blinked at him from the steps. "of course, jyunichi have me but i don't think jyunichi would mind if you take him upstairs." he said, hiding his amusement albeit confusion as masuda helped jyunichi to the steps. "jyunichi?" he asked as jyunichi passed by at him. jyunichi looked at him and smiled tiredly. he smiled back. standing, he ruffled his hair. "i'm glad you are okay now." kusano said and jyunichi chuckled so slowly.
----
"why was he like that?" shige asked kusano directly as masuda and jyunichi were already out of their sight. it's unusual and to be honest, he was scared. "what's wrong with jyunichi?"
kusano sigh "i really don't know but it happened before and it always happens when he can sense people fight or quarrel.." his voice faded as he averted his gaze to koyama and the older lowered down his head.
"im sorry. masuda was upset with me.. i told jyunichi the reason why masuda was feeling down yesterday and.. i didn't think masuda will react like that..."
"jyunichi might be very scared earlier.. at least, masuda-kun managed to stop him from shaking and crying.. setting that aside, should we prepare our breakfast already? i'll just take jyunichi's breakfast in his room." the butler said, walking to the direction of the kitchen.
"kusano-kun" shige called and the butler stopped walking "he is going to be okay today, right?" shige asked, already missing the giggling and laughing jyunichi that greeted him earlier.
"i.. can't really say that .. the last time this happened, he managed to fall asleep, but he always woke up suddenly because of nightmares.. and at the end of the day, he would always have a severe headache and a fever." kusano sadly added
"we are sorry for troubling him. i think it's time for us to -"
"no, kato-kun. please, stay. i am not blaming you, or koyama or masuda-kun. jyunichi is not blaming you too, right? before, jyunichi only have me. his sister is not always here 24/7, she has a life in tokyo but she still managed to be here because her brother needs her presence. i've always been with jyunichi and i know how he likes to have you guys around. so please stay until the last day of your vacation. for jyunichi. and for yourselves too.."
"but-" shige started but was cut-off by koyama
"i guess.. okay. for jyunichi." and for ourselves..
---
as long as jyunichi plopped down on his bed, he fell asleep. he was really tired, masuda thought. he stayed beside him on his bed. he got scared earlier, actually. scared and maybe even guilty, and maybe even jealous. masuda stares at his face for a minute before he reluctantly leave jyunichi's room.
downstairs, the others are busy preparing the table. when the butler saw him, he nodded and told him jyunichi's asleep. "thanks. i'll take the responsibility from you now. i'll take care of him." kusano said with a smile as he took the tray of food in the table. "really, thank you for calming him down, masuda-kun" the butler added and he passed by at him. masuda wanted to run, to take the tray from kusano and to tell him he'll take care of jyunichi but he didn't say it, he just couldn't say it. his feet was glued on the floor, his eyes was glued on the table, his fists clenched inside his pockets, his expression blank but his breathing is ragged.
"masuda, i'm sorry." koyama said as he walked toward his friend, looking oh so sadly and troubled. "look, for jyunichi, let's be friends again."
"huh?"
"kusano said jyunichi would react like that if ever he can sense fighting, quarreling.. if you are still angry at me, fine. but please don't let jyunichi see that."
"i'm not.. i'm sorry too, kei-chan.. i... actually, i got scared. i don't know why.. maybe i do not want him to pity me.. i"
"let's take care of him later, okay?"
koyama asked and he nodded. the older put his arm around his shoulder, pulling him to the table where shige and takahiro are waiting.
---
he is dreaming. it's this dream again. it's a familiar yet unfamiliar place. he is watching the TV when someone opened the door. he saw himself smiling wide as he run from the sofa to the person who just arrived. he giggled when the person pulled him closer and hug him tight. he can clearly see his happy face as he hugged the person back. cheesy as it is, he kissed the person on the lips as he said welcome back!
"jyunichi? wake up, it's time for breakfast." kusano said as he put the tray of food on the bedside table. he glanced at jyunichi, he was still sleeping. he can't just disturb that peaceful sleeping face, can he?
he is now walking outside, in a park, it seems. the surrounding is so beautiful. he knows the place but can't remember. he is still with someone and somehow, even if he can't clearly see the person, he knows it's the same person who always bring a smile on his face. jyunichi has always wanted to meet this person for real. but meeting the person in your dreams for real, is that kind of fantasy do really happen in real life?
it's this scene again. and as always it made him shy, awkward, embarrassed. he was naked, on the bed with person he loves--he labeled the man in his dream that way because it just feel so right to label him as the person he loves. to summarize this scene, they are making love. usually, after this, the scene where they are watching a firework display should be played in his head.
but no. the scene is so gloomy at all. the place is dark with only lamps on the side of the boat or a yacht lighted his way. jyunichi saw himself there with another person, not the person he loves. he is not smiling at all, instead he is tensed. someone is shouting in front of him. and that someone is answering himself. jyunichi saw himself talking back to the person, calming him. his eyes suddenly grew wide and the person in front of him has his eyes wide too, looking at him as if he did something wrong. then that person laughed and then cried. jyunichi saw himself crouching down. he uttered something. he reached for the person standing in front of him. he tried to reach for him as some melody played in the background.
"wake up! wake up!" kusano has been trying on waking him up for half a minute now. jyunichi is having that nightmare again though it seemed it got worsen. "jyunichi please!"
the person identified his phone is ringing so he took it out in his pocket. jyunichi's face contorted in pain and as the person in front of him hide his phone, he reached his leg but he got kicked, hard that he flew and his head hit the railings. the person is crying as he started shouting at him again. jyunichi can't move, he kept on shouting stop it! as the person kneeling in front of him keeps on hitting his head on the railings, still crying, still shouting. then, suddenly, the man stop. he stared at jyunichi-- who also has tears in his eyes, saying sorry at him--with wide eyes. panicking, he lift jyunichi and push him out, letting him fall to the water.
"what happened!?" the door opened and four people came inside. a while ago, he called takahiro for help. they rushed to jyunichi's bed as they saw kusano frantically shaking jyunichi who is struggling to breathe.
"please! everything is fine! you are just dreaming! wake up!" kusano shouted and before he can encircle his arms around him, he was pushed aside by masuda.
then, everything seems to fade, jyunichi struggled, he can't breathe. he can still see his body on the water but the jyunichi who is watching the whole thing cannot breathe. he gasped for air, frantically gasping for air. out of nowhere, he heard a voice. someone is calling him. someone is telling him to wake up. yes, he is just dreaming. he need to wake up. jyunichi followed the faint voice...
"yuya!" masuda said as he put his arms around jyunichi. "wake up, please.. wake up." he whispered in his ear.
kusano blinked his eyes at masuda, confused (and yes surprised because he was pushed hard that he almost fell on the floor). "i'm sorry. he wasn't thinking when he called jyunichi with another name." koyama softly said when the older appeared beside him.
"you are just dreaming. you are just dreaming" masuda whispered brokenly, tightening his hold around jyunichi.
suddenly jyunichi gasped and opened his eyes. instinctively, he encircled his arms around the person who is cradling him. "it was just a dream.. a bad dream." jyunichi's shaky voice said, gripping masuda's shirt tightly. masuda?
"yes, it's jsut a dream.. none of those are real. they are just bad dreams.." masuda answered him, rocking him back and forth.
jyunichi buried his head on masuda's shoulder and nod. yes, none of those are real.. but, what did he dream again? why was he frightened and unable to breathe?
" do not force your mind to remember what you just dreamed about, jyunichi" he heard kusano telling him. he opened his eyes and lift his head from masuda's shoulder. kusano is there, looking at him worriedly at the side .
"i am not.. okay, i won't try. i'm sorry." he replied, still looking at his butler.
"no need to say sorry. you scared me there.." his butler said and it is enough for him to sob "you think it's time to visit your doctor again? your nightmare is getting worser and worser.."
"i'm sorry. but i don't think i am ready to visit the hospital yet.. i .. i'll be fine"
"but-"
"no. i do not want to. sorry and thank you, massu.." he said, cutting masuda off. he felt masuda nodding and he sighed. he is still tired but he is afraid to sleep again.
"you sure you are okay?" koyama asked this time and jyunichi smiled genuinely at him, when he saw how he put a hand on masuda's shoulder when he asked him. "massu?" he added and masuda nodded at him. "okay. come on, kusano. let massu handle him."
"eh? but-"
"jyunichi will be fine, right jyunichi?" koyama asked and he slowly nod his head. well, as confusedly as he think it is, he is sure he'll be fine with masuda. and also because he pity masuda--the guy is still grieving-- and he just upset him earlier... among the three guys from tokyo, only masuda seems to be distant to him but when he is troubled or scared just like right now or earlier, he is always the first to comfort him. jyunichi is thankful for that, really he is.
"do you want to sleep again or do you want to eat your breakfast? though it's already cold.." masuda said, pulling away from him. unconsciously he followed masuda's move. jyunichi got surprised with his action and masuda too but just smiled at him and hug him again. "sleep?" masuda whispered slowly, as if talking to a child, ordering him to sleep.
jyunichi shook his head. he is quite scared. he feels like something bad will happen if ever he would close his eyes and sleep right now. "don't be afraid, jyunichi.." masuda added as he slowly lay their bodies down.
jyunichi, somehow, trusts masuda's words and he found himself nodding at him. they lay down side by side, facing each other. "this is weird..." jyunichi softly said as he put both his hands under his cheek, making it a pillow. masuda pulled up the blanket and covered both of their bodies before mimicking jyunichi's action with his hands.
"weird what?" masuda asked as he shifted a little
"this. me. you. mine and your attitude. our actions and.. massu is so considerate.." he sleepily said. masuda stares at him and he stares back. just like what they did inside the van, they just stare at each other. and just like what happened to him earlier, he got lost inside masuda's eyes again.
he drowsily blinked his eyes when he sees masuda is trying to open his mouth to say something. jyunichi tried to stay awake but before his brain can register what masuda is saying, he end up sleeping.
he is dreaming again. wait. this is new.. where is this place? a school? someone is running toward him.
"did i make you wait?" the person asked
"no. i just arrived a minute ago. let's go?"
"where are we going today?"
"i want to show you something."
another dream.. now, where is he? at.. his parent's house?
"dad, won't you watch this movie with me?" he pouted
"no."
"but-"
"ask your mom, instead or ask that person you always bring here. next time, ask me next time. not now, okay? i'm quite busy..."
"yeah, busy with playing a virtual farm game.." he said and stomped his foot, walking away from his father when the old man just laughed at him.
...another one?
"i'm sorry. i already told you i already have a lover."
"oh b-"
"i am loyal to "
"... okay then. see you "
wait. what did he just call me? and who am i referring to?
... okay... now i'm at a park..
"you're late!" he shouted irritatingly
"i'm sorry! i overslept!"
"you were the one who told me you really really want to have a date today and not the day after tomorrow! i even skipped my class because you said it with urgency." he said, pouting
"i'm sorry. really really sorry"
"you! what were you doing last night?" he asked, brows furrowed
"i-i stayed up late thinking how to tell you that i want you to live with me without embarrassing myself i did not do anything bad last night really i was just thinking how to surprise you with-- i.. ohh.. i just slipped, right?"
"you.. really?"
"it- that-i mean-yes-you-"
and without thinking, he grabbed the stuttering guy's shirt and shut him up with a kiss
---tbc
A/N2: sorry. too lazy to edit it. as you have noticed, i didn't change the supposedly capital letters to capital letters. :3 i just copied it directly from my colornote. :'DD em lazy like that. :DD
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Date: 2014-03-10 02:01 am (UTC)Btw. I was kyaa-ing and melting when they hugged *\\\*
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Date: 2014-03-16 09:45 am (UTC)Thanks for commenting ! :'3 As always ne~ :*